Not My Cup of Tea

This whole being pregnant thing, it just isn't for me.  For whatever reason my body doesn't like being in this state. Don't get  me wrong there are things I love about it-feeling the babies move around, bonding with them for months before anyone else gets to meet them, having license to eat ice cream every day if I want to.  But, to be quite honest that is about it.  I don't feel more alive.  I don't powerful. I don't feel amazing.  And, I have had other women tell me those are their experiences with pregnancy.  Me-not so lucky. This has been the longest four months of my life.  I found out I was  pregnant and within a week I was miserable.  It has not gone away since.  The problems have differed, some have gone away, some have improved.  But, I have had problems ever since.  My doctors, or one of them at least attributed all my problems initially to fact that I was pregnant with twins.  So, my nausea and tiredness were increased.  Then my blood pressure sky-rocketed.  And, ever since then it feels like it has been  downhill from there.  While my blood pressure has greatly improved since April, thanks to medication, it was a scary month or so while we got that adjusted to a therapeutic level.  Probably one of the worst moments of all of this was trying to explain to my poor husband the warning signs of a stroke.  The man tries to stay away from all that is medical and here I am quizzing him...and I couldn't even do that so well because my brain felt so foggy. We were worried.   Worried about me living, worried about the babies living, worried about something happening that would be life-changing.  And I was worried that I would remain in that state for the rest of this pregnancy.  Luckily, I have gotten better-in that area.  But, there have been more problems.  A major sinus infection that landed me in the ER twice before it was treated.  Headaches that were only being relieved with heavy duty drugs.  That has changed over to another non-scary drug, but it still inhibits me from working safely.  And, now the latest problem?  There is concern over the strength of my abdominal muscles and ligaments.  Standing is becoming more and more  painful.  I actually have to attend OB physical therapy.  Didn't even know such a thing existed.  I had been so hopeful a couple of weeks ago that I would be released back to work.  But, my doctor shot that hope down real fast.  To sum it up? They don't like my job.  I mean, they have respect for it.  Understand the demands and because of that, they don't like the idea of me doing it....even part-time.  So, its not a matter of when I will be put on restriction-I am already there.  Now its a matter of what they will allow me to  do.  Every doctor's visit they restrict me a little bit more.  And every appointment I leave swearing up and down that I am not coming back for  a while.   The reasonable, educated person inside doesn't allow me to cancel said appointments (that have been scheduled weekly since April).  But, one of these days I would love to do it.  Not working just gives me more worries and more time to worry about said worries.  Thankfully, Joe is on board.  He really just wants all three of us to stay healthy, so whatever we need to do, we just do it. Or should I say, he just does it!:)  And since they keep restricting me more and more I have to come up with things to do. Because, this is driving me crazy!  I have a feeling Netflix and the computer are going to get a lot of use over the next couple of months!