Alright, I did one happy post....that's all you're getting for a while! Ok, maybe not, I can't be sure. One of the benefits of being pregnant, I can pretty much do whatever I want and no one will say anything to me. All I have to do is blame the hormones;)
Today was not an easy day. I just wanted to run a couple of errands. Joe was finishing up "the move" to the basement and the girls had been driving him nuts. I mean, they are definitely trying to be helpful, but they are 2 and 5.....it just doesn't work! I even picked up awesome Auntie Annie. She is very patient with the girls and they are more than willing to listen to her. I just needed to get to both Cub and Rainbow and then try to visit Home Depot to get the paint for the nursery so that Joe doesn't lose his momentum. Annie even offered to help at the park so the girls could enjoy the sun for a little bit. We were able to get everything done, but boy, did it take all I had to get through our last destination, Rainbow. Then, to top it off, I twisted and cut up my ankle on a stupid Rubbermaid bin full of Christmas stuff trying to put away a few frozen things in the basement. So, now I am crabby. Crabby about all the things that I can't do any more. This may be news to some-but I hate, absolutely hate being told I can't do something. My mentality is, you think I can't? Just watch and see me do it....kind of backfired when I was young and hung out with stupid people, but has pretty much served me well. My stubborn streak doesn't help either, oh and my hatred of failure. That combo, well it makes all these can't dos a huge thorn in my side. So, I am wallowing in self-pity today. Because I can, because I'm pregnant and that means I can! So here, it goes....
1. Walking-something so basic, yet the backbone to almost everything that is to come. Why does walking have to be so difficult? I am only 21 weeks pregnant yet I can't tolerate a simple trip to the grocery store without feeling like I have ran a marathon. Dislike
2. Working out-I just want to go to the gym and work out. I want to run so hard and so fast and so long that I can't think about anything else except my next step. I want to sweat. Not sweat because my hormones have changed my temperature regulation and its 90 degrees outside, sweat because I am making my body work. Dislike
3. Working-Honestly never thought I would miss working. My preference in life would be to stay home with the kiddos-especially with them as young as they are. But, that isn't the adult, responsible thing to do in our family. So, I work. But, now that people are telling me I can't work....I want to. Read my first paragraph for a better understanding of that thought process. Plus, I really, really miss it. I miss my friends, I miss my patients, I miss making a difference in someone's life every single day, I miss feeling needed and valued. I.miss.it. I have worked at Regions for 10 years this July, for the same unit. That's a long time and it has become a huge part of my life and who I am.....and just like that it was taken away from me. Dislike
4. Feeling pretty-Joe, the only person I really ever want to make happy is still happy with me so I know I shouldn't care so much. But, I do care (remember-I'm pregnant-so I can), I am vain. I want to look in the mirror and see pretty and sexy and beautiful. Not so much right now. I have actually decided I am going to start measuring my belly every day because I swear that thing grows daily. I waddle when I work-not attractive. My boobies are ginormous and they hurt and seriously they didn't really need to get any bigger, I was fine with them before pregnancy. And stretch marks-already? 21 weeks and they are already appearing? What the hell is this body going to look like in a couple more months. I just keep in mind that Mike and Molly's wedding is next April and so I have a huge motivator to be back to my "normal" self. Dislike
5. Date Night-goes along with feeling pretty. And making time for Joe and I to have alone time together. With so many things on, with our (really Joe's) to do list getting longer every day, those nights are a distant memory of pre-pregnancy. I want to lay the kids down and do nothing but spend time with him, talking, laughing, making inside jokes. I miss date night. Dislike
6. Doing stuff with the kids-the whole not walking thing has made it hard for us to do all of our favorites. Going to the zoo, walking to the park, spending a day at the beach. All of those things require just too much exertion from this worn-out body. I can't even put poor Megs in gymnastics this summer because it's a mom and me class. It makes me feel bad-like my girls are being deprived because of this. I know that they are and will be fine. They have lots of fun stuff to to do this summer and will stay busy, but I know that they are missing out on things and that's all it takes for me to feel like a bad momma. Dislike
7. Gardening-again, to be out in the sun and work so hard that you take a cold shower and crash into your bed sounds like a lovely, wonderful thing to me. I love flowers-picking them out, shopping at the local nursery, deciding where to plant them, digging in the dirt and making an ugly space beautiful, all things I love. And I can't do it. Dislike
8. Bending over-probably should have been higher on this list, but I just thought of it when I was thinking about missing the garden. One of the reasons I can't do it is because I can't bend over. Shit, I can't even cut or paint my own toes nails. 21 weeks-that is all I have to say. Again, poor Joe has volunteered to be my pedicurist this summer. Luckily he's not half bad at nail-painting:)
Okay, I am done. Still crabby, but feeling *a little* bit better about all of this. I just keep telling myself that this is a temporary situation. And the end result? Two healthy, little baby boys? Totally worth the journey! Especially the healthy part, so I will go without this summer. Oh, and it doesn't hurt that this is the last time my poor body will ever, ever be pregnant again....Joe and I are going to make sure of that....so I keep telling myself I have a lifetime of gardening and working a head of me. Let's hope that is enough to keep me sane through this summer.......
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