Forgotten Memories

The other day I was talking to my mom on the phone.  Our discussion centered around sleep or the lack there of for myself. With the boys being home I have definitely had to adjust to sleeping in spurts...a couple hours here, 30 minutes there.  Add in the fact that I am now back at work, on night shift, and well, sleep and I don't really know each other all that well at this moment in my life.  My mom's exact comment during this conversation that made me start thinking was "I wonder what you will remember about this year. Will it all just be a blur to you?".  I laughed at her, thinking it was very possible that when the boys are 5 or 10 and I look back at the first year of their lives that I just might not remember alot of stuff.  To be quite honest most days are just survival mode.  Sleep enough to not want to rip peoples' heads off.  Sleep enough to not be sick. Sleep enough to be safe taking care of peoples' lives.  Survival at it's finest:)  Now, of course I would love, LOVE to get more sleep.  If I could buy sleep somehow, at this point the cost wouldn't matter. I would soooo buy me some of that. Joe too, can't forget about that poor guy.  But, other than that part of all of this. I really wouldn't change much in my life at this very moment.  And because of that I am afraid that I am not going to remember alot.  And I want to. There are so many wonderful things that happen every day that I want to bottle and remember when I am 80 and sitting in my rocking chair next to Joey and we are re-hashing all the craziness our lives have been full of. 

Like what if I forgot how damn cute Meggie Rose is when she wants to say good night to her brothers and they are sleeping? She does this little ritual where she blows them a kiss and then hugs herself (I think its like blowing them a hug if that makes sense). And she never forgets to do it twice.
Or how that girl doesn't even have to glance at the baby and she knows immediately what boy it is. She has been able to do that since they were in the hospital.
Or Miss Grace and all her cuteness as a big-big sister? I walked in the room one day and she was sitting in the middle of two boppies with a bottle in each hand, feeding both boys. "Just like you, Mama" was her reply when I commented on it. Or how they are absolutely obsessed with her.  And Joe...those two walk in the house and those boys are breaking their necks to find them, look at them, get their attention and have them talk to them.  My theory on this is that Megs and I are home and with them so much that they take us for granted....that's what I tell myself anyways:)
Or Grace's song that she sings them...."If baby boy doesn't give Gracie a smile he doesn't get a hug!". Without fail they smile immediately at her...they are no fools...they want that sissy hug!
And then there's the boys themselves.  What if I forget Mr. Vinnie and his laughing spells at 5:30am that are so loud I worry he is going to wake his brother up (it doesn't help that it sends me into a giggling fit with him!). Or Joey's chunky thighs that I could seriously just eat them up.  What Joe looks like when I lay him down for tummy time, the boy seriously doesn't get the concept:) He rests on his belly and lifts his legs and arms up in the air, I guess maybe he's working on his core muscles? I don't know but it cracks me up every time!  And then there's Vinnie, whose poor head is so big that when he does tummy time he inevitably rolls to the side his head is slightly leaning to because he just can't hold that thing up. Seriously. I have to hold him straight or he immediately rolls onto his back-totally defeats tummy time!:)
What if I forget how incredible it feels to hold two babies in my arms at the same time?  Or how powerful I feel as a mommy when we have all survived one more day! Or how overwhelmed with love I become when my whole family is an arm's length away from me?

So, I can't lie and say these last 3 months have been pain-free and completely perfect.  But, I do know this. They have been full of love and great memories.  And we have made them at home. Together. And that's all I could ever ask for.  I just hope and pray that the lack of sleep in my life doesn't wipe my memory of all this. Because, I would do all of this again. In a heartbeat. If it meant this was my life...it wouldn't even be a question.